This past weekend has been a craze at our house. We had the amazing opportunity to be part of the Vibez event here in Ogden Utah. We set up our first Thoughtfire booth! It was beautiful to see everyone who came out to support our efforts to educate and talk about suicide. It is something I am very passionate about. The more we talk about it, the less power it has. Thoughtfire’smessage is about gaining tools and resources to create a better self, by getting the help and tools needed to become our best selves.
YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE NEEDED!
Saturday night Jenny and I sat down and watched Love Simon. What an amazing movie. It depicted so many aspects of the coming out process. There is one scene I want to speak of today. It’s a conversation Simon’s mother has with him:
“I knew you had a secret. I mean, when you were little, you were so carefree. But these last few years, more and more… it’s almost like I could feel you holding your breath. Being gay is your thing. There are parts of it you have to go through alone. I hate that. As soon as you came out, you said, “Mom, I’m still me.” I need you to hear this: You are still you, Simon. You are still the same son who I love to tease and who your father depends on for just about everything. And you’re the same brother who always complements his sister on her food, even when it sucks.
You get to exhale now, Simon.
You get to be more you than you have been in… in a very long time.
You deserve everything you want.
YOU GET TO EXHALE NOW.”
So many meanings!
Have you ever held on to something so deep in your heart that you feel it could break you! Have you ever feared something so deeply that you felt that if anyone ever knew it would change everything?
I have – and it did. And guess what, its better than I ever could have imagined. There was a time when I held a secret. My emotions and value were so caught up in my beliefs of who I thought I should be that I forgot who I was. Just as Simon’s mother said – YOU ARE STILL YOU! I am still me, only better and healthier. People ask me, what were you like before coming out? I can honestly say I have evolved. Evolved in places that have made me stronger. I have learned how to set healthy boundaries. I have learned about God in a way that is real rather than what I was told he was like. I have felt the depths of hell, the details of abandonment, and the power of angelic comfort. I have found the power of purpose. I have found the truth. Knowing these things, I feel God has said to me first hand:
You get to exhale now, Crystal!
What are you holding your breath about? What can we do to help you through? As I have always said– fighting the battle from the inside out rather than the outside in has served me. My heart is safe, I am living in my truth! It’s a process, there is some painful spots, (I would be lying if I told you there wasn’t), but I assure you there are powerful people waiting to help! You don’t have to walk alone. If it’s coming out or if it’s something else, the process is the same. Own your truth, show up for you! It’s amazing how God opens doors as you trust!
Love and Light!