Have you ever had those moments that move you to action? I have been on a sabbatical from writing for many reasons, but one was I had to come to a place where my heart was ready to be vulnerable again. When my book was released back in 2019 it felt like my heart and mind had been exposed in so many ways. I felt so many expectations, not from anyone but from myself. I fought thoughts of imposter syndrome of wondering: who am I to share my story, and what difference is it going to make. The thought that really scared me was that I just published a RAW real journal entry, and now what…
I stepped back from the pencil and paper… I isolated. Then Covid hit. Then the depression hit. Allowing vulnerability to teach us my friends, is not pain free, but the lessons learned are refining.
I had people tell me that my book was:
- A “nice” short read.
- Not detailed enough – I needed to share more of this or that.
- Nothing they could related to.
- Doesn’t really have a place here, this is God’s community, and gay families don’t have a place here.
I allowed these thoughts to consume me. “WHO AM I?” to think I had a story to tell. Everyone has a story, what makes me think putting mine in book form and sending it to the world was going to do anything.
In the midst of this confusion, I returned to my calendar where I would jot a few unstructured thoughts and events. I began jotting down a few statements that were shared with me in relation to sharing my story that I had so easily forgotten…
These are some other comments I had received:
- I knew how to visit with my son and help him when he was ready to come out.
- Your book saved me. The book was sitting on my friend’s coffee table, and I started to read it. I realized I was not alone.
- You let me know that my daughter and her partner could have a beautiful family just as yours.
- I could relate to it as a straight person. Everyone should read it. Everyone has a “coming out” process – it doesn’t have to relate to sexual orientation.
- It helped me know what people may feel if they are in that same space and maybe I can be more kind and understanding.
Reflecting on these experiences, I realized I had a choice! I could spend time feeding the negative thoughts, or I could challenge them? Will I spend time on the one or two things that maybe feel a bit… uncomfortable? Or am I focusing on the good? The whole reason why I wrote the book itself is serving its purpose. I wrote Hopeless to Limitless – with the desire of lift, to bring hope, to help someone else in their journey.
On the anniversary of the June 18th – I witnessed this picture above. A picture my daughter took of a cairn she built on the beach. By definition a cairn is placed on a trail to signal to a traveler they are on the right track. It is usually used to validate the traveler they are right path even if the navigation becomes difficult and the path maybe hard to see.
This cairn on this day reminded me that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us. Part of mine I know is to share my heart and the learnings I have had along my lifes journey. I share in hopes to build a community of positivity and hope, where we all can share our stories. We have enough negative. We all battle our own demons, but to have each other to build and lift together – that’s what its all about.
So, back to my first question – Have you ever had those moments that move you to action? My answer to this is yes! – I need to get writing again. Even if I have to be vulnerable. I don’t know what this looks like… but maybe even that is part of the journey.
Love and Light friends.