Says Who? The Tragedy of the “Should’s”
I was having a conversation with a dear friend about a month ago about the limitations we place on ourselves because of belief’s and expectations we place on ourselves, or expectations others place on us. She told me something she felt like she should change – and I looked at her and said, “Says Who?” That opened a conversation that helped us both be more sensitive to how we limit ourselves.
In the past five years I have had the opportunity to look at my own belief systems that limit myself. It seems that it’s taken about this long to become more aware of my own limiting beliefs. Some of these beliefs may include:
I can’t go to bed until the house is clean – Says who?
I can’t live the dream of doing something I always wanted to do because I will fail? Says Who?
I am not good enough to do something like ______________ ? Says Who?
I am not a good mother because ____________________? Says Who?
I have been known at work to make the statement “Don’t should on me….” When someone is telling me something I should do. “Crystal you should do this, or that.” I am totally open to suggestions but telling me something I should or should not do, I assure you isn’t going to have a productive outcome. ?
We use the word “should” all to freely. The definition of should from the Webster Dictionary is “used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.” When I think of the word SHOULD – I think of the of a stick~ we use it to beat ourselves, or others instead of encouragement. Never have I heard the word “should” used in a productive and effective way.
“You should …….”
“Well you should have done ……
I have yet to hear a happy ending to these statements. I have found when giving feedback to others, I ask permission to offer suggestions and ideas. Then I proceed by saying:
“My ideas include… but they are only ideas… use them as you may….”
The next time you have a thought in your mind that says I can’t or I should, I challenge you in look inside yourself and ask… “Says Who.” The answer to that question can open the truth to our hearts and our limiting beliefs that hold us back to our fullest potential. At that point we can challenge those thoughts with a truth that allows us to be free from the destruction of the thoughts. The process in doing this will free us to live in our fullest potential!
I’d love to hear your thoughts~